Sweet Surrender

what’s helped you most?

i said religion

it’s the reason i wake in the morning

it’s my submission

as my faith strengthens

so do i

to face this world’s dimensions

with a wide open eye

fields of wonder under the giving sun

with every new verse, my burdens undone

sweet surrender to grace and wisdom

with you i shall come

to the end of the earth and beyond

to bliss and the nectarous hum

of what you have in store

for when i discover you some more

the heavens reside here in my soul

come, won’t you take a stroll?

and lead me to where i need to be

to experience you under the oak tree

of life and truth, behold

you are the pied piper

but mislead you never will

and who doesn’t follow is mislead

to a path away from all you held

to enlighten and to turn pure

everything you touch, please pour

over my humble being, make me more

than i ever was before

foresee and restore

the heavens that once shone

from my gentle core

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My Broken Love

thank you

my broken love

for making me stronger

for building me up to catastrophe

with your lies that tasted of nectar

with your missed chords, high on the richter

with your smile that hid those conniving eyes

yes your many ways, it did disguise

with your embrace that held only my weakness

with your touch that felt cheap, I’m sleepless

when close to you

because as much as I wanted to believe

you did not feel like home

lost, so with you I’d roam

but coming home to myself

you have provided for

you paved the floor

to build a temple within my core

be everything i dreamt of and more

while you continue to break all you touch

i’ll remain grateful to you

my greatest lesson

my greatest battle

you do not deserve such praise

but alas God chose you to raise

my energy to higher ground

i will never again have the likes of you around

Beauty

Ah beauty – what an unprecedented gift

After years of swimming shallow waters

It’s finally come to realisation

How could I have been naive enough to be attracted to that alone?

After all, what is it but a shell

A mere vessel

To cover your tainted or prestine soul

No longer does it win me over 

I want to see the contents of your heart

And how much room you can make for me

How you’ve unweaved the tangles

To form a beautiful mind today

To realise life is simple

And that you do not need another

But their company is preferred

Perhaps even loved

Moonrise from my Monastery

A new desire undoes all his pain

Whether attainable or not, does not even matter

Your mere distraction in the caverns of my temple

Replaces the hurt he left buried there

 

I’d built entire cathedrals, grand mosques, dedicated to worshiping his tainted memories

You came as if to place your cool fingers around the flames

Burn out the old and relight new fires

Who have the Lords sent?

I run down the hallways to look for you

The moon rose that night and I believed it would every night

But you have not offered me enough clay

To even carve out your fine features on my walls

Your scent rises to these tall glass ceilings

I keep the windows shut, so it remains

Light disperses and your shadow lingers

 

Funny how my eyes become accustomed to seeking only you

No matter the virtues the bystanders here offer

They are not my moon

And therefore unnecessary

Occupying spaces that should be filled by you

 

Oh how you’ve touched my heart and you remain so unaware

Of your doing upon me

 

I lay here and I wonder if my moon will rise again

Those are fortunate nights when it does

Clouds cover these deep skies and you hide from me

Your depth compares to a thousand such oceans

You’re a vessel, crescent moon

A vessel I cannot reach within

A vessel I seem unable to touch, to temper with

 

You are in most of my prayers

I wish you were not

I wish I could pray with a pure heart

Ask of nothing and be grateful for all

 

I wonder if you feel the same

But if you wanted me even nearly as much as I want you

You would reach out

Hypocritical you could say

As I sit still, awaiting moonrise from my monastery

Ego or wisdom – who knows?

Which of my teachings advise on this?

 

You’re an angel, you’re a rose

And perhaps I do not deserve your woes

But sit in my synagogue for a while

And soothe me with your gentle voice

Speak of you and speak of me

Lead me down these hallways, while I believe

Every word that falls from your delicate lips

 

Your mere hallucination brings me both joy and anxiety

The latter because you are not close

And honestly I cannot even imagine you truly close

You’re so far in a land I may not step foot in

You won’t let me in

Neither will my universe

You tease and it does too

Fine by me, tease all you please

It’s lovelier than no scent of you at all

Regardless of how much deeper each time I fall

I’d do it a thousand times

For just moments of your precious time

 

Or leave me in my monastery while I tire of awaiting moonrise

Until even the smoke from this current fire has disappeared

Because the last one was not meant to be

And God knows neither is this

Hand me books on how to live and I shall do my best to obey

Moons and Suns will become one in my all-knowing eyes

When I am rid of longing these transient pleasures

And come closer to truer treasures

Ask and you shall receive 

Sometimes I am reminded of this strong eternal belief that I have

That everything I want and so desire

Everything that seems so distant and unattainable

I will receive

No prayers go unanswered 

And God is yours if you believe him to be

So is this world

And all that is in it

Giving

So I guess this blog isn’t just about poetry. It’s about realisations. Most of which are expressed through poetry, but others are best expressed through fluid writing. As it’s Christmas season and many may be giving or receiving expensive gifts, here’s a realisation from my own experience of it:

An expensive gift isn’t valuable because of its monetary value. It’s the thought that you mean more to someone than the money – an extremely prized possession in this world – that they parted with, to bring you something special. The money they’ve worked incredibly hard to earn. The money they could have spent on themselves or countless other propositions, to possibly even see it grow in the future. They decided to spend it on you. So perhaps you could think of them everytime you see their gift. So perhaps you could be happy when adorned with something they chose for you. So really it’s the opposite of monetary value – money was no object for them, when it came to giving to you.

I feel undeserving of such gifts usually. Guilty making use of them. I don’t want to be a part of this materialistic world. There are more deserving causes than me. God has blessed me with more than is merited, already. But when the consistent reply to my incessant “why did you buy this for me?” is “you deserve it” – it becomes truly overwhelming to believe that someone thought you worthy.

Infatuation

What a beautiful state it is to be

As infatuated by someone as I am by you

The stagnance we yearn for feels fine when it arrives

But this, this is the real wonder

 

This 

This feels like the tide

The drop in Mansa’s Uncomfortable 

I forgot to run or hide 

Vulnerable, combustible 

Lost in a place I wish to stay

No light at the end of this tunnel 

But leave me here, I pray 

Leave me leaned by hafez’ soul

By his gift, kneeled, whole

Why is there war and anguish

When you my dear are alive

As intoxicated as the sufis 

Into a thousand oceans, I dive 

Rumi, cushion my fall

With words of love’s call

Keats, I shall live only in Summer days

For I wish to wake and sleep in this phase

Music enters where you stole 

Room for any others to take

Sounds encapture, I stroll 

And luxuriate amidst the lake

In the fields of my core

Let me write you a poem, four

Every sensation has more layers

More desire in my prayers 

Every image or work of art

More excuisite, while we’re apart 

 

Listening to Johnny Rain while it rains

You wander elsewhere but I remain

Entranced by thoughts of you

They tease and they please

Don’t stop, don’t you cease

Swimming in my depths 

Savasana, focus on breaths

Oakland ting, 808 and patron

Internal ring, lost the ability to run

Fine as I do not wish to run from you

You’re wonderful

But it’s true,

 

The form I have of you in my mind

Is more flawless than you could ever be in person, I’ve been kind 

You’re here, safe, preserved

However naive or undeserved

Light

Life is not always kind, my dear

Lay down on the green green grass

And watch the Sun swing from the east to the west 

Feel the crinkle in the strands beneath

The bees and butterflies flutter

And plants grow around you

Trees reach high into the skies

Birds sing songs to please 

With their sound they ease

Any troubles you got caught up in

The tangles you’re unable to unweave 

Put it all aside for a while

And watch this world go by

Waterfalls and temples

Bridges and valleys

All yours to explore

Yet you stay indoor

And choose to listen to your thoughts

Going round in circles, tying more knots 

But the clouds are dancing in the sky

Making shapes that you miss inside 

Rivers flow and waves splash

The moon dawns and tides crash

Beauty surrounds you but you remain hidden

You are so light

Swim into the bright

Seas and warm shores

You’ve grown tired of

Worshipping demons

A Thousand Prayers Short

Came to the realisation
I am still a thousand prayers short
Of gaining the strength
To overcome you

You’re the realest thing I hold
Perhaps such truths cannot be let go
But we can wander in distraction I’m sure
Until the next best things collide
With our short, fragile lives

People are not possessions
Contrary to my beliefs
I spent so long believing you to be mine
It’s a lot to undo, believe me, I’m trying

But in my prayers I trust
And to them myself I give
We were made from soil
And to the soil we must return
I had no power as to how I came
I will have none as to how I leave
The mean time also lies in another’s hands
Despite what I have been lead to believe
So the lesson here is to rest and accept
I must be graceful, grateful, worthy of all I have been given
Perhaps then I will be pardoned and forgiven
For my mortal errors

Yes I dream of lands
Where the Gods are kinder
Where demons and angels do not walk side by side
Where you and I were never found or were never parted
Where the air sweeter, the grass greener
The heart more peaceful, the mind much quieter

Nothing happens if it is not pleased for by the governer of these worlds
I am trapped in these endless cycles
With no magnetism or influence
Over the things I desire and the things I want away
I am trying to understand, I truly am
But on days like this
I am reminded of my helplessness in His kingdom
Why place me amidst these fires
When I have no mode of escape